Cowardice
by x WhatsherFace x
Summary: –noun: lack of courage to face danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, or Sakura's inability to face past emotional turmoil. Sasuke returns to Konoha after years of absence, and Sakura finds her tough girl act put to the test as she tries to deal.
1. Chapter 1

I am a massive loser and I wish I didn't get random bursts of inspiration at 4 in the morning. I have work tomorrow, brain, give me ideas LATER!

Also, for the record, only the first chapter is probably going to be in first person just because I felt like it. Although I might make chapter two first person as well. All I know for sure is that eventually it's not going to be first person no' mo'.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or else Sakura would be a billion times cooler and you'd actually get to see her do shit instead of just waiting for Naruto to show up.

* * *

My mother once told me, when I was very little and my father had recently died, that love wasn't about hugs and kisses, or an "I love you" and "I miss you". It was about the butterflies you got in your stomach, and the chills that ran down your spine. Ultimately, though, it was about the pain you felt in every inch of your body when that person you love walks away.

And that's when I really knew I was in love with Sasuke.

For as many dates as I asked him for, or as many declarations of love I made for him, I always doubted myself a little. Was it just a childhood crush? Did I trail after Sasuke like Naruto and Lee trailed after me?

It wasn't until I woke up on that bench to the knowledge that he had left Konoha—that he had left _me_—that I knew for sure. I wish sometimes I could've figured out a little sooner.

Now I'm 19 (going on 20!) and I'm back on that bench, but this time I'm just watching the clouds go by. Shikamaru gave me my salvation. We were on a mission together after Sasuke left, and he'd noticed how spacey I was.

I'm not going to lie; sometimes it was obvious how badly I was pining for Sasuke. And Shikamaru knew it. So he suggested cloud watching as a way to clear my head. He said it worked for him, looking up at something that was bigger than him to put him in perspective. I told him that it was very shrewd of him to draw a conclusion like that for someone our age, and he just shrugged and slouched off.

Trust me guys, it works. When it would start to get to my sensitive child's brain that Sasuke had abandoned us, I'd find a comfortable spot somewhere and look up. Sometimes clouds resemble other objects, and other times they're just globs floating somewhere up in the atmosphere. But they always remind me that in reality, I am insignificant. My problems are nothing compared to the world, especially my measly childhood heartache.

And eventually, I got over it. I got over the fact that he left, and that he wouldn't take me with him even when I begged and pleaded and completely bared myself to him.

Mostly I got over him.

Being over Sasuke hasn't rid me of my troubles, unfortunately. As I suspected, there were bigger fish to be fried in the world, and sometimes I got caught up in the mix. Missions gone awry, or fights with Naruto or Sai, for example.

Right now I'm just tired. I've been overworking myself at the hospital. Everyone has been nagging me about it, but how can I not spend every free moment of my time healing others? If I have the ability, I might as well use it, it's the least I can do for all the poor people I encounter on a daily basis.

It's not as if I'm strapped for cash, either. And if I was, I hit Jounin ages ago, and boy do some of those missions pay _out_.

Another problem I find occurring in my life repeatedly is people bothering me during my Cloud Watching Time. I don't care if the bench I am occupying is out in the middle of a marketplace, the least people could so is keep it _quiet_.

It is really, _really_ difficult to concentrate on simple, floating clouds when someone (or is that some_ones_?) are screeching at each other. What are they even _saying_? It sounds like—

"SHUT UP, SHARK BOY!"

"WHY DON'T _YOU_ SHUT IT, FOUR EYES?"

How juvenile is that? Who even calls anyone Four Eyes anymore? That insult is for babies! And Shark Boy, what the hell does that even mean?

"WELL I'D SHUT IT BUT YOU'RE TOO ANNOYING!"

"_I'M _ANNOYING? HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOURSELF _EVER_?"

A third male voice started mumbling to himself about petty insults and letting things go. So is this a group, or what?

"OF COURSE I LISTEN TO MYSELF, I'M NOT—"

"Would you two SHUT THE HELL UP? Some people are trying to RELAX!!!"

So maybe I _do_ have a temper problem! What's the big deal with that, anyways? I just want to watch some freakin' clouds, is that too much to ask? I sure don't think so! Who are these fools anyways? I might as well check it out—

I sat up, no biggie. I just turned and looked at these irritating people who are intruding upon my Cloud Watching Time, and I'm starting to wonder if the sky has collapsed and I am hallucinating, because my eyes are totally healthy and it isn't a genjutsu and _what is happening??_

Why is he here? Why now? It's been so long, nearly a decade! Itachi's been dead for years, and he should've come back then but he didn't and _why is he here now?_

I am not a coward. I'm not, and if you call me a coward I will crush you into oblivion. I haven't been called a coward since I was 15 and Kiba made the mistake of letting it slip and as punishment Tsunade made me heal him and spend time with him the entire week he was in the hospital. My lack of cowardice, or bravery as I've heard others call it, can also be construed as stupidity. Because only _a stupid person_ would open their mouths and acknowledge the present of this illusion, and that is what I am doing.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing here?"

And now my brains have kicked in, and I've only had time to register the minor flash of surprise in his eyes (_so I can still read him as well as when he left? maybe he hasn't changed much at all…_) before I ran.

Because deep down, I am a coward.


	2. Chapter 2

So this chapter is ridiculously short, and about half the word length of the last one. However, I have like, six pages written for the next chapter. So hopefully I'll eventually even something out. Sorry for all the rambling I do, I kind of have this obsession with unnecessary details that I find, for some reason, necessary. It's probably because I'm sleep deprived to the max. I wrote these next two chapters early in the morning while watching Gargoyles. Oooh, yes, I watch Gargoyles.

But anyways! I hope you enjoy. I am kind of a shitty writer sometimes. (aka most of the time)

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'!

* * *

Sakura wanted to chalk it up to her improved abilities from years of training under Tsunade and with anyone she could bother sparring with her.

Deep down, though, she knew it was a lie.

Once her ego deflated a bit, Sakura grudgingly accepted the fact that she hadn't outrun Sasuke because, loathe as she was to admit it, she also knew that the only Rookie faster than Sasuke was Lee.

And sometimes even THAT was debatable.

Sakura sighed and slowed her pace enough to catch a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye before she was suddenly eating the dirt she'd been running on. She stayed on the ground for a moment to try to cool off before lifting her head to look at the jerk that tripped her.

"KAKASHI WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? THAT IS SUCH A NARUTO PRANK TO PULL! DON'T YOU HAVE PORN YOU COULD BE READING?"

One of these days, Sakura vowed, she would get a hold of her temper. But today was not that day, and now that she thought about it, next month wasn't looking so hot either.

Kakashi's eye crinkled in amusement as he gestured to the orange book in his hands.

"Sakura for your sake I will take into account the fact that you are clearly under some kind of strain and refrain from feeling insulted at the notion that tripping you is a difficult feat to accomplish! Now why don't you clean yourself up and tell your old sensei what's plaguing your mind."

Sakura saw red as she muttered a few choice curses that even Kakashi flinched at before getting up and wiping herself off.

Then she punched him.

To his credit, he only fell over with a slight "Oof!" as his breath whooshed out of his lungs and Sakura dusted her hands.

She stepped over him gingerly before plopping down onto his back, and began ticking off her fingers.

"One, never trip me again. Ever. Two, while you're definitely old, you lectured Naruto and me about not calling you 'sensei' until our ears bled, so don't you play that card with me! Three, I CANNOT BELIEVE you tripped me to try to squeeze information out of me! Seriously, Kakashi, how old are you? Maybe you're going senile! It was really such a childish prank, just like that chick with—"

Sakura broke off for a moment, before glancing around and taking a deep breath. "Well, that chick who kept calling this one guy 'Shark Freak' and he kept countering with 'Four Eyes'! How juvenile is that, right? And I should've expected something to happen, because I was on that stupid bench and he ALWAYS seems to ruin my life on that bench—"

"Who always what?" came Kakashi's feeble voice. He was an actor, that Kakashi. She thumped down on him for good measure, since she knew she didn't weigh enough to cause him any real pain.

"I hope you're eating dirt like I did, you bastard! It's what you deserve after knocking me down like that!" Sakura evaded, climbing off him and pacing. He got up as well and dusted himself off, wincing and patting his side where she punched him.

"Sakura, stop avoiding the question. Who are you talking about?"

She froze at his serious tone and gulped, looking anywhere but at him.

_Why am I so nervous? Who even cares about stupid Sasuke, I sure don't!_

"Well, you'll find out soon enough anyways so I might as well tell you…It's Sas00" she was cut off a a crash thundered through the air followed by a ringing,

"TTTEEEEMMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!"

And of course more crashes.

"I see." Was all he said, giving her a knowing look she didn't understand.

_What the hell does that look even MEAN? _Her Inner self demanded.

Sakura just pulled a face at him in response. Stupid old bastard.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know why I do these things to myself.

Disclaimer: I am too tired and lazy to own things.

* * *

"I should probably go make sure they don't kill each other." Sakura sighed as more crashes boomed and a girl (_Four Eyes_, Sakura thought with a grin) screeched, "YOU! YOU IN THE ORANGE! GET OFF MY SASUKE-KUN _RIGHT NOW_ BEFORE I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!"

"That would probably be best, although I think Naruto is just welcoming him home." Kakashi paused and scrutinized her.

_Why is he looking at me like that?_ Inner Sakura shouted.

_Stop exaggerating! And stop looking into all his glances. He can only express so much through one eye, so shut up for once!_ She shouted back.

"Sakura, you be careful now, alright? You know how…_they_ can be." With a frown and a cryptic glance, he seemed to hesitate before disappearing with a poof.

_Uhm, do you see where I am coming from now? What was with that last look, and that pause before he said they?? _Inner Sakura really got on her nerves sometimes…

_You know what he meant by it as well as I did, don't be more annoying than usual! And while it's really nice of him to worry about my wellbeing around Sasuke, I can totally handle him! I'm older now, more experienced—_

_Experienced in WHAT? _Inner Sakura snickered.

How does a person argue with THEMSELVES? It was surprising Sakura hadn't completely lost it by now.

_How can you say that about me—US, actually? I am an excellent medic, I've nearly beaten Naruto in a fight, I beat Sai once, and I can beat Ino without a problem! I am NOTHING like I was when I was twelve, I have dated other guys and I am totally over him! _Sakura concluded with a scowl, speeding off in the direction of the crashes.

When Sakura reached the bench, she couldn't believe her eyes. Sasuke and Naruto were outside the gates and surrounded by mass destruction.

Fallen trees littered the ground, some broken in half or knocked over entirely. Some looked like they'd been lifted out of the ground and thrown at something…or some_one_.

Sakura cackled gleefully. Tsunade was going to bust their asses for this one!

They were moving so fast that if they weren't both dressed in basically one color, she wasn't sure she could've discerned who was who. Naruto was an orange blur, charging over and over again at a blur of black and white.

As Sakura got even closer, she realized Naruto was talking to Sasuke, sometimes in shouts and sometimes at a normal Naruto level (which was still loud).

"You broke her HEART, you bastard! You left her on that bench, but you might as well have killed her! After you left and ABANDONED us—"Naruto emphasized his point with a well aimed blow to the gut, "—Sakura was like a _different person_! She tried to act normal, but Kakashi and I saw through it! Sasuke, you no good son of a bitch, after you left she stopped SMILING for us!"

He broke off, panting from exertion as Sasuke did the same. Naruto looked enraged and ready for more, and Sasuke was as unreadable as ever.

Sakura guessed some things really never change.

But Sasuke's eyes seemed a bit…troubled? She shook her head. At this distance she was surely just seeing things.

Sakura could only stand by in mute horror as Naruto threw himself back into the fight, as well as his rant.

"You really don't know what you did to her. It took her years to recover, teme! Her eyes died. She was a frickin' zombie with the way she dragged herself around trying to convince everyone there was nothing wrong, when it was so completely obvious she was half a person! You took her fucking heart when you left and you damn well better GIVE. IT. BACK."

Naruto ended his point by grabbing Sasuke around the neck and shaking him for all he was worth.

"You put her back, Sasuke! You took her away from us and you'll put her BACK!"

Sakura had definitely heard enough…and then some.

"NARUTO, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Naruto froze immediately and began babbling incoherent words.

"Naruto, you get off of Sasuke RIGHT NOW, do you understand me?!"

He dropped Sasuke quickly and turned around with a sheepish expression... Well, as sheepish as one can look with their face smashed in, that is. Now that she was up closer, she realized they both looked like shit.

"Eh, sorry, Sakura! I just saw him and he made me so mad, you know, because—"

She set her hands on her hips and hit him with her fiercest glare.

"I don't care about your reasons, Naruto. No one gave you any permission to reveal my personal problems to the ENTIRE VILLAGE, least of all ME! Now you drag both of your sorry asses over here so I can look at you!"

Naruto swallowed thickly and nodded, spinning around to grab Sasuke and bring him over.

Sakura decided she was never coming near that bench ever again. She would keep a fair distance from it for the rest of eternity, if that's what she had to do to avoid these upheavals in her life.

She buried her face in her hands and sighed. Was this really happening? It had to be a dream…

But no. When she looked up, Naruto and Sasuke were still there, looking at her expectantly. (Well, Naruto was looking expectantly, Sasuke just seemed a bit confused…)

"Alright, Naruto, you know the drill. Sasuke, shirts off!" she commanded with a confidence she definitely did not feel.

_I can do this, I can do this. _Sakura coached herself. _I have healed hundreds of men before with less on, hell, with NOTHING on. I am nearly twenty years old, and not a teenager, and Kami are they GORGEOUS._

Who was she trying to convince anyways? It was a lost cause. Being a ninja went hand in hand with having a defined body, but Naruto and Sasuke were immaculate. With Naruto's healing abilities he had no blemishes or scars on his skin to speak of, save the wounds he had just suffered from his spar with Sasuke.

Sasuke, on the other hand, had tiny lines in random places across his torso. Slivers, mostly, but they gave his skin a special something that—

_What am I thinking? I am completely off my rocker!!_

Clearly she could NOT do this. But she had to; she was the one who had done this to herself. As one might say, Sakura had dug her own grave, but _boy_ was the view nice from down there!

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and sighed (again). She crouched down in front of Naruto and ghosted her chakra filled hands over his torso to inspect the damage.

Worried she was sending him the wrong message, Sakura gave him a swift jab to a particularly sensitive bruise that would remind him he wasn't off the hook.

He had two cracked ribs, his shoulder was slightly dislocated (Kami only knows how he managed to pummel and throttle Sasuke like that), and he was covered in black and blue.

"You're both idiots! Who does this to each other, honestly? You could've died if someone hadn't interfered!"

That someone being, obviously, her. She gave them both pointed stares.

"One of these days, Naruto, you're going to exceed your limit. That fox can only do so much, and I really don't know how you manage as it is. How are you even still alive?"

Naruto broke into a grin, but stifled it when Sakura threw a swift glare at him. He winced, but couldn't keep the amusement out of his voice.

"Well, teme here puts up quite a fight!"

"Hn."

_I will ignore it, I will ignore it, I will ignore—_

"He speaks!" she joked.

_Fuck!_

Sasuke eyed her warily. She would've too, if she were him. She rolled her eyes, however, and finished up on Naruto.

"Alright, moron, you're as good as new. If I see you again today, it'll be too soon. You got that?" She finished threateningly, but softened it with a smile to let him know he was forgiven…for now. He winked, pecked her on the cheek, ducked her swipe at him and squeezed out a quick, "Thanksbyeseeyouguyslater!" and sped off, leaving her alone.

With Sasuke. (And his freaky team…)

Stupid Naruto.

She turned to Sasuke and scanned him.

"Naruto sure did a number on you, huh?" She said in a jovial tone that was mostly to herself.

He had two broken ribs, three slightly cracked ribs, his collarbone was broken, and his neck was completely covered in bruises as was most of his chest and back. His nose was broken, his cheek was fractured, he had two black eyes and three dislocated fingers. And that was just his upper body!

"Well, he had someone to fight for. At least _some_ things never change."

The glow in her hands faltered.

W-What?!

"W-What?!" she spluttered. Was she hearing things now, too?

Sasuke glowered at her. "Well, if that's the way you're going to be than fine."

_Oh, THAT'S rich coming from HIM! _Her Inner self crowed. And Sakura really couldn't help but agree with her.

Instead of voicing this out loud, she chose to concentrate more heavily on healing his several injuries and definitely not dwell on what he'd said.

And failed.

"How I'M going to be? That's pretty hypocritical, coming from the King of Monosyllabic Answers with Differentiating Meanings! I swear that's the most I've ever heard you talk in one sitting in my _life_!" Sakura shot out. She couldn't help it!

He scowled at her for a moment and looked pointedly over her shoulder.

She was beginning to think she was finally out of the woods (when had woods ever been good to her anyway? Especially where HE was involved. What did she do to deserve this?) when Sasuke spoke. Again. (!!!)

"Was he telling the truth?"

Sakura jumped a bit and vowed she would eventually adjust to hearing him talk.

"Was Naruto telling the truth? About when I…left?"

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. She totally didn't need this right now. She just wanted some sort of jutsu that could send her back in time so she could tell her twelve year old self not to fall for this brooding, egomaniacal, psychopathic, sadist. Because only a sadist could keep talking to her when he knew that it must be causing her extreme loads of agony to even be near him.

She was over him, that was for sure. She had absolutely no doubt in her mind, and being a little happy at seeing him shirtless was not a weird response. It just meant he was hot, not that she LOVED him!

_Tell him, or don't tell him. Tell him, or don't tell him. Tell him or—_

"It's really none of your business." She said briskly. She squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "If you cared, you would've been there. But you weren't, and so I was left to pick up the pieces. Naruto may not be over the whole situation, but I definitely am. You're done Sasuke, and there won't be any scars left over. You and your, uh, _friends_, should probably go see Tsunade."

She flicked her gaze over to his assorted team, consisting of two boys (one of whom HAD to be Shark Boy) and the one girl who was clearly Four Eyes. Sakura suppressed a smirk and a giggle as she pushed herself up and clapped her hands, turning around to leave.

But Sasuke had to go and open his mouth and talk. AGAIN. (!!!!!)

"Don't think this is the end. I had a question, and you failed to answer it."

He turned towards his teammates, but not before turning his head and adding, "And don't get used to me talking. This is a one-time deal."

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

How did he know?!

"You know, you're still easy to read. And one of these days I'll get the whole story out of you."

"Why do you even _care_?" Sakura bit out, before clamping a hand over her mouth in shock.

What was it about Sasuke's presence that made her say the stupidest things? It seemed all she ever did around him was say the wrong thing, and then run off.

Which she found herself doing…._Again_.

She sighed a bit, but not without devising a plan. So he says it's not the end, but nobody could get the story out of her, not even if they killed her. This was an extreme situation, though, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

Sakura changed direction and found herself running to the one person she knew (hoped) could (would) help her.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry this was so slow in coming! I got back to school and my free time dwindled down to about nothing while my brain cells were sucked out by homework. Basically school is kicking my ass. Greatest apologies! This chapter is a little boring, but it needed to be done. I've already got the basic idea down for the next chapter, but I'm going on a trip to Indiana with a friend for the weekend so we'll see when I manage to get it finished.

I also wanted to thank everyone veryveryvery much who has been kind enough to review. I really, REALLY appreciate it! Thank you to everyone who's reading it, even if you don't review. You make me feel naaiiccee. :)

Disclaimer: No I do not own Naruto although I REALLY wish sometimes that I owned Sasuke...or that he could be real! :(

* * *

"So, let me get this straight, Forehead: basically, you were on The Bench cloud watching, then you heard some annoying people, so you told them off, and you saw Sasuke and realized he's come back to Konoha. Then you yelled at him and ran away. You ran into Kakashi, literally, and talked to him for a bit. Then you ran  
_back_ to Sasuke because you heard he was fighting with Naruto. Is that right so far?"

Ino gave her a pointed look and Sakura rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Okay. You heard Naruto spill your Deep Dark Past to Sasuke, and you yelled at Naruto. Then you healed both Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke asked you personal questions, you brushed them off. Then you yelled at him _again_ and ran away. Again. Is that all?"

"Yes, thank you for recapping everything I just told you. Now what am I going to _do_ about it, Pig?"

Sakura hated to beg, but she knew that if she had to she would.

"Hell if I know, Sakura! This is a big mess you've gotten yourself into. On top of the fact that the love of your life—"

"He is NOT the love of my life anymore, Ino!!" Ino waved her words off.

"Yes, yes, I know you've said it a thousand times before. So on top of the fact that _Sasuke_ has returned after a very long absence, he now knows that you reacted very badly to his defecting Konoha. What's the problem? He probably assumed you freaked out anyways, Forehead!"

"I hate you, Pig, so very much. I come to you for help and guidance and what do I get? Nada!"

Sakura ran a hand through her hair roughly and slammed her hands down on the counter in the flower shop.

"I just need a plan. Some kind of plan that will keep me away from him…or at least make my interactions with him highly limited. Is that too much to ask? After all he's done to me, can't I just get a little peace for once?"

Ino patted Sakura on the head and smiled sympathetically.

"Kami knows if anybody deserves a little peace besides maybe Naruto—I'm _kidding_, Sakura, geez there is no need to hit me so hard!—it's you. Especially where Sasuke is concerned. But I think what you've got to do is not necessarily limit your meetings, but make it clear that you're unaffected by them. You get what I'm saying here, Forehead?"

"Ino, that is brilliant! So I don't go actively avoiding him or anything, but I make it clear that when I do see him it has absolutely no major affect on me! Oh, Ino, sometimes you are a complete genius!"

Sakura pulled Ino into a tight hug.

"Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you, Pig! One of these days I'll be able to solve my own problems and I won't have to depend on anybody else when I make decisions."

"That'll be the day, Sakura, that's for sure!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Sakura sounded affronted.

"You're incapable of making decisions solely by yourself. For whatever reason, you just can't. When you do something, you need to feel like there's someone else backing you up the whole time. Forehead, you are way too cowardly sometimes!"

"I am NOT a coward, do you understand me? I don't back down from anything anymore! Maybe once upon a time I would've avoided confrontation, but you know I'm not like that anymore!"

Ino looked a little frightened by her outburst and held her hands up in surrender.

"Yeesh, Forehead, sor-­_ry_! Maybe you're not cowardly, but you're certainly insecure!"

Sakura scrunched up her nose and stuck her tongue out at Ino. So what if she had trouble basing her actions off of her individual desires? Wasn't it selfish to just run around with the sole purpose of pleasing yourself?

"I just feel better knowing I've got a little support behind my actions. Is that too much to ask? So maybe it is really hard for me to decide what to do with myself. I've done a pretty good job so far, and most of the major changes I've made were my choices and mine alone. Maybe I feel like I need someone's opinion before I buy something new, or decide to try out for ANBU or not. I really don't understand why it's such an awful prospect to you."

Ino nodded as if she cared and Sakura glared at her.

"Well, it's true that you were stupid for even considering ANBU, and that you definitely owe it to me that you decided not to go for it. Also that I have stopped you from making some tragic fashion choices. But what I don't get is why, if you are over Sasuke, his presence is such a big deal to you. You're over him, you know he's nothing but a self absorbed bastard, he's been gone for most of your life, and you are still stuck in your eternal 'Oh no, whatever will Sasuke think of me _now_?!'"

"It's not like that anymore! It's just…How am I supposed to treat him? How is _anyone_ supposed to treat him? Is he going to try to just slip back into our lives, or is he going to make the effort to work things out with everyone? What if he isn't even back for good? What if he leaves again? I don't want to get to know him if he's going to turn around on same fool's mission and leave us all in the dust!"

So maybe Sakura was holding a grudge, and maybe she was a little bitter. Could anybody blame her? Sasuke had _left her_ on a _bench_. A BENCH of all places! He couldn't have used his superhuman speed to rush her home, to her bed? No, of course not.

Sakura was lucky he hadn't just left her on the ground.

"Oh, Sakura, I'm sorry that he's hurt you, and I know it must be hard seeing him again, but _you are better than this_. You have overcome so many obstacles to get you to where you are, and you are strong enough to handle a little man like Sasuke. He shouldn't even be big enough to show up on your radar!"

Sakura felt lost. Ino's words made sense, but they weren't providing the comfort that she desired so badly.

"I want to move on, and I am definitely over him I just…How do I act when I'm around him? Flippant? General? Friendly? I want to be able to prove to him how much I've changed without him but I don't think I can do that in a subtle way. And at the same time, I want him to know that he isn't completely forgiven. I may have moved on from him, but I'm certainly still sore about his leaving me like that, and the awful way he treated me, regardless of how annoying I was."

"So basically you want Sasuke to recognize your strengths and apologize for his past transgressions?"

Sakura was a little shocked by Ino's vocabulary.

"Have you been reading the dictionary, Pig? Because that was a very intelligent sounding statement right there, and I just want to make sure you didn't steal it from somebody else—ow! Don't hit me, you were _asking_ for it! Geez, you're so violent to me!"

Ino puffed up in rage and threw a flower at her.

"You're one to talk, Miss Super_freaky_ Strength! You go around busting up the ground, trees, and people and you barely blink an eye! You hit Naruto at _least_ ten times a day, and Kami only knows how often you take a swipe at me!"

"Oh, please Ino, as if you bother me enough to warrant constant physical abuse! And if I hit people too hard, it isn't as if I can't heal them up to repair the damage! So it all really evens out in the end!"

Ino glared at Sakura who picked up the flower and started stroking its petals.

"Your problem here, then, is that you don't know how to be 'friends' with Sasuke without coming off as pathetic and desperate for acknowledgment. I really think that once you boil the situation down to that simple sentence, the answer is obvious."

Ino leaned onto the counter and rested her head in her hands while smirking.

"Uh, Pig, I don't really think I like that smirk on your face—"

"It is so obvious that when I tell you, you will be baffled at what an easy solution it is!"

Sakura sighed. She _had_ come to Ino for help after all…

"Alright, Ino, spill it."

Ino smirk turned into a Cheshire Cat grin as she leaned even closer towards Sakura.

"You challenge him to spar, of course!"


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know if I like this chapter or not. It started out how I intended, and then it turned into something else. I hope you all enjoy and are able to stomach the fact that I repeat phrases all the time. :P

Disclaimer: I own nada.

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"No."

Sakura stared at Sasuke blankly for a moment before reigning in her temper.

"What do you mean NO?"

Sasuke, being Sasuke, looked down his nose at her. _So he's still a haughty bastard, eh?_

"I mean what I said. No, I will not spar with you. It's a waste of my time as there is nothing to gain from a fight I know I will win."

What an _uptightbastardsonofabitchstickuphisassjackass!!! _She had decided, yesterday after talking with Ino, that she would wait a day before issuing her invitation to spar with Sasuke. Now it seemed that her waiting had been for naught, as Sasuke was still a fucking pretentious bitch.

"I can't seem to be hearing you properly. Are you trying to insinuate that sparring with me is a waste of your, _ahem_, 'valuable' time?"

Sakura was going to kill him if his response was anything below satisfactory.

"Isn't that what I just said?"

She was going to kill him. Sneak behind him when he least expected it, and pummel the living daylights out of him. And if that didn't kill him, she'd strangle him. Violently.

"So, let me get this straight for a minute…You won't spar me because it would be a waste of your time?"

Sasuke stared at her.

"And why is sparring me a waste of time?"

"Sparring you is not a challenge in any way. I could crush you easily."

Not a challenge?! How could he even say that? Wasn't she, Haruno Sakura, the apprentice to Tsunade the Hokage? Hadn't she defeated Sasori? (And, yes, she had help, but she was an integral part to that plan!) Hadn't she trained and trained for years to get stronger and better? She'd been one of the first rookies to apply for jounin status—and get it.

And Sasuke had the _gall_ to say she _wasn't worth the effort_?

"You are such a bastard! Where do you get off saying I'm not a challenge, huh? You don't even know me anymore, Sasuke. Do you remember that? How it's been nearly ten years since you left? Because I certainly do. And while you were spending your time being primped and pampered to be taken over by the freaky snake guy, I was training. Hard."

Sakura stepped closer to Sasuke, who still looked at her blankly. Filled with sudden and uncontrollable wrath, she poked him in the chest roughly.

"I am not the same girl I was when I was twelve, Sasuke. I don't care about you, especially not like I thought I did when I was a child. Can you get that through your head? I've changed—_a lot_. And you haven't changed a goddamn bit!"

She thought she saw something change in his eyes when she mentioned how she felt for him when she was twelve, but it was probably her imagination projecting emotions and human reactions onto his face.

"It doesn't seem like you've changed much, because you're still annoying. And I don't waste my time with annoyances." He turned around and started walking away.

How could he say that? How could Sasuke call _her_ annoying when he had to be the most annoying person on the planet? Sakura fumed inwardly.

So maybe she was a little nervous about sparring him. Yes, she had trained for nearly a decade to change herself from the weakling she had been. But how could she be sure it was enough? Sasuke had been away for so long, and no matter what mannerisms he maintained from before he left, that didn't prove he was the same person.

He had killed numerous people in cold blood for the sake of becoming stronger. What's to say he wouldn't treat her with the same disregard? He could kill her, and she knew it. And, as much as she hated to have to admit it, Sakura was scared of him. She was completely and utterly terrified at the thought of what he could do to her.

_I am not a coward!_

Yes, Sakura was afraid. But wasn't it common sense? Her inner survival instinct? Her subconscious accepted the fact that Sasuke was dangerous and could do awful, unspeakable things to her and she wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it.

_I am not. A. Coward._

Sometimes Sakura hated her fear of being afraid.

"Hey, Sasuke!" She sprinted to catch up with him. When he'd stopped without turning around, she tapped him on the shoulder and waved a hand in his face.

"Yeah, I get it, I'm annoying, I am also a human and would like to be shown the decency of being looked at when I'm talking."

For unknown reasons, Sasuke turned around.

And that's when Sakura punched him in the face.

"I AM NOT WEAK YOU STUPID BASTARD!"

Her survival instincts seemed to kick in again because she found herself sprinting off as fast as possible in the opposite direction of Sasuke.

Unfortunately, Sasuke was faster than he had been when they were twelve and he caught her in about a minute.

"_What the hell was that for??_"

Wow, Sasuke looked PISSED! Also his eye was totally swollen! Sakura would have to give herself a pat on the back later for a job well done. Seems the silly Uchiha heir let her fly under his radar, and boy was he paying for it!

"Whatever could you mean, Sasuke?" she chirped at him, plastering an innocent smile on her face that was slowly morphing itself into a full out grin as the skin around his eye began changing colors.

"Don't be fucking coy. Answer the goddamn question!"

"Look, maybe if you bothered to take me seriously this wouldn't have happened. But no, the almighty Uchiha Sasuke just can't seem to take me seriously. And since you refuse to see me as a threat, I had to pose a threat to you. And I did, didn't I? Who'd have thought that a lowly peasant like myself would get a hit in on his High Lord Sasuke!"

Sakura laughed and laughed and she laughed some more, tears of mirth dotting her eyes as she took in the irritated look on Sasuke's face.

"Oh, Sasuke, don't pout at me! I'm sowwy if I huwt your feewings! Could you ever find it in yourself to forgive me?" She clasped her hands together and looked at him beseechingly while batting her eyelashes.

She felt like she was twinkling, she was acting so angelic. Was it just her, or was there a golden glow coming from around her head? She should be sprouting wings any minute now, really.

Sasuke grunted impatiently and Sakura was forcibly removed from her reverie.

"Sorry, what did you say? I was too busy basking in my victory." She gave him a sunny smile.

"Hn."

"You interrupted my wonderful daydream to hn at me? Honestly? You have got to be kidding me with this shit, Sasuke!"

"I said I still won't spar with you! When did you get so vulgar?"

"_Why won't you spar with me_? And it probably happened sometime between when you left and right now. That's just a rough estimate, though, so don't take my word for it or anything."

He rolled his eyes and smirked at her.

"Because the only way you'll ever hit me is with cheap shots like that one back there." He tossed his head in the direction they'd come from while Sakura fumed.

"Cheap shot?! _You're_ one to talk about cheap shots! Telling me I'm still annoying and a waste of your time…Well, you're still an asshole!"

She fixed him with her fiercest glare and scowled menacingly, anything to make him understand how undeniably pissed she was at him.

"How old are you again? Because it sounds like you're reverting to your twelve year old self if that's the best insult you can sling at me."

"Sometimes you are such a jackass, Sasuke! Did you know that about yourself? Because it's not exactly a trait women find appealing in a man…Although you were with Orochimaru for quite some time, and you definitely could've switched sides while you were there—"

"If you're hinting at what I think you are, then I must insist you're quite incorrect. I can't help it if your particular looks have never interested me in any special way…or at all, really."

Was that supposed to hurt? Because it totally didn't. Not one little bit. There was not a teeny, tiny, itty bitty speck of care in Sakura's body for what he just said, absolutely none at all.

How did he always manage to get to her?

"You can't seem to accept that I'm not the twelve year old girl you once barely knew, Sasuke. I am almost a completely different person. I wasn't expecting in any way for us to become friends when you came back—"

Sasuke snorted and Sakura's eyebrow twitched. She needed to salvage her pride, dammit!"

"But I at least thought we might get along a little. Clearly I was totally wrong, because as long as you have that massive stick up your ass I'm not going to be able to handle your presence. And, really, I'm fine with that. We're both different people, different from when you left and too different from each other to get to know each other better. And that's that. I think I just wanted you to acknowledge me, for once in your goddamned life, just accept that I am strong. Strong enough to fend for myself and others at the same time."

Shaking her head, she took a step back and looked at the area directly above his left shoulder.

"I've changed. I know I've changed. But I have stupidly waited my whole life for you to validate me, and make my claims legitimate. Because if you could admit I was stronger, that meant everyone else would have to as well. And for some reason I have stupidly clung to the thought that once you came back, you would recognize that I was better."

Sakura took another step back and looked to the side.

"And maybe that particular dream won't ever be fulfilled, but I won't let it get to me. Maybe I'm stupid and annoying, but at least I'm not a fucking asshole like you!"

That's when she swooped in close and punched him in the other eye.

And then she ran off to drown her sorrows and broken hopes in alcohol, because for all the medicine in the world there was no other cure for a trampled spirit.

xxx

Hours later, Sakura stumbled home in a drunken haze. It wasn't the first time she'd fumbled her way to her apartment when she wasn't quite what one would call sober, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. The one difference from all those other times, however, was the presence of a certain blonde in her bedroom.

"Why are you in my fucking house, Naruto? Get the fuck out, please, I don't have time to deal with this. I had a shift at the hospital tomorrow morning and I'm going to need to sleep off this hangover."

She pulled off her sandals slowly, making sure to lay them on the ground carefully. Slowly she dragged herself over to her bed, where she plopped onto her covers and shoved Naruto off.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Naruto, shut up before I castrate you. I am going to sleep and I will see you tomorrow, good night—"

"I know what happened with Sasuke today."

Sakura's hand stilled on its quest of pulling back her blankets so she could slip under them. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and turned her slightly unfocused gaze on Naruto's prone form at the side of her bed.

"I don't want to discuss it, Naruto, you understand? These past two days have been awful enough, thank you, without having to relive them. It's not as if I haven't been mulling it over in my brain all day anyways."

She flipped over again, this time moving too fast and biting back a hiss. Naruto was up in a flash, positioning her with her back resting on her pillows and swiftly and efficiently pulling her covers from beneath her and tucking her in under them.

Sakura closed her eyes and smiled a bit. "Thanks, Naruto."

"No problem, Sakura! See, this benefits me because now I have you where I want you: at my mercy!"

He grinned at her and crossed his eyes in a way that would've made her laugh if she knew it might not bounce off the inside of her skull. He sat down on the edge of her bed and his expression sobered.

"Sakura, I know you don't want to talk about this, but you have to. It's kind of obvious you've been holding those feelings inside for awhile, and I wish I was observant enough to have noticed them on my own. Alas, I did not notice them until news spread around town about your little showdown with His Royal Highness, the Prince of Brooding. However!"

Here he bounced up a bit and pointed at her.

"I have decided I am going to make up for my blindness by interrogating you and making you feel better! When you didn't answer your door when I came by earlier, I assumed you were ignoring me—much like you are now—and so I kind of might have broken in. But I didn't actually break anything, I promise! Anyways, I just wanted to tell you Sakura that I have always thought you were strong and capable of taking care of everyone you've ever encountered in your life."

Sakura felt her eyes filling with tears, but she held them back so she wouldn't upset Naruto. She really, really did _not_ want Naruto to see her crying, because she was strong, like he said. And strong people don't cry, even when they hear what they've been waiting for years to hear.

He cradled her face in his hand and smoothed her cheek with his thumb.

"It's okay to cry, you know. I won't think any less of you…if anything, it just emphasizes how great you are, because only someone who's really smart can accept that sometimes they need to stop acting so tough all the time and just let things happen."

Oh Kami, she was such a loser. Who cared what Naruto said, nobody else ever cried like she did. Crying was what the Old Sakura did, and she was the New and Improved Sakura Who Definitely Didn't Cry Ever and Certainly Not in Front of Naruto.

"Really, Naruto, thank you for saying that, but could you please go? I can't…do this. Not now, maybe not ever. I just really thought things would be different. I always kind of hoped that if we weren't going to get along it would be an understood-from-the-beginning kind of thing, and not an I-made-an-ass-out-of-myself kind of thing. I want better than this, hell, I _deserve_ better than this, and for some reason I'm not getting it. I never get it. Somewhere someone thinks it is funny to keep giving Haruno Sakura the short end of the stick, but one of these days I am going to snap."

Turning her head, she caught Naruto's worried gaze.

"And then I'll be gone. Just, poof! Disappeared. Gone. I'll pull an all-nighter and then…maybe then, everyone will realize how much they appreciate me, and how much they need me around. But it'll be too late…"

Sakura trailed off and pushed herself deeper under the covers, turning her back on him.

"You both left, Naruto. And you both took for granted the fact that I would be here, in Konoha, waiting for you to return. I would appreciate it if you could leave now, Naruto. I'm not exactly sober, and I don't want to say anything more before I make you hate me too. I'll see you tomorrow?"

He nodded, still silent, and padded out of her room, remembering to shut the door behind him quietly.

Part of Sakura wanted Naruto to suffer the way she had, waiting day by agonizing day for one of them—_either _of them, not just Sasuke—to come home. Her conscience usually kicked in then, and reminded her that friends don't wish that kind of anguish on their very best friends in the world.

But here, laying in the dark quiet of her bedroom, Sakura could finally admit to herself that she did.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Uh...oops? :) I've been a bit preoccupied with school, sorry! And this chapter is kind of short...oh well, now I will know better for next time!

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This had to be one of the worst days of Sakura's life ever. Her feet hurt, her head hurt, her eyes hurt, her brain hurt. Suffice to say, Sakura hurt everywhere, and she only had herself to blame. Leaning against a wall in the hospital, she glanced at the clock.

It was only 3?! She didn't get off until at least 5! Sakura was going to have to kill herself at this rate. All morning she'd had whiny patients coming in with minimal problems, and for some reason she was the medic chosen to care for them. What about the serious injuries? What about the people with diseases? She could treat them and actually use her (aching) brain, instead of wasting her (throbbing) brain cells on people with the flu or a headache.

Yes, Sakura would admit it was glaringly obvious she was hungover. But was it really necessary to make her suffer for it? She was already suffering enough!

"Sakura, Tsunade wants to speak with you." She groaned and looked at Shizune.

"Are you for real? I was _so_ hoping I could fly under the radar today…" With a sigh she pulled herself off the wall and trudged towards Tsunade's office. Was the hospital always this bright? And so…loud?

She slowed as she reached Tsunade's office. Why did she want to talk to her today of all days? She'd been doing relatively well, excluding the obvious hangover. Sakura really hoped Tsunade wouldn't make her explain why she'd been drinking heavily the night before she had a hospital shift.

"Sakura, hurry up!" Tsunade barked from her office. Squaring her shoulders, Sakura walked into Tsunade's office and sat down.

"Yes, Tsunade-shishou?" Sakura said demurely.

"Don't take that innocent tone with me, Sakura. So are you going to explain to me why you seem to be suffering from a hangover in the middle of the week, or am I going to have to force it out of you?" Tsunade looked at her seriously.

_Damndamndamn! _Sakura was so hoping this wouldn't happen! She really, really didn't want to have to explain to Tsunade why she was drinking all day yesterday.

"It's not affecting my job performance in any way, is it? I know I've been avoiding bright lights and loud voices all day, but I've helped all of my patients just as politely and efficiently as always. Does it really matter?"

So, yes, she was trying to shirk out of it.

"Yes it does matter, Sakura, because you never drink during the week, let alone the night before work. This is completely unlike you, and I was hoping you would clarify so I wouldn't have to piece together what happened myself."

"Look, Tsunade-shishou, I don't feel like mentioning the reasons that caused me to drink myself into oblivion last night. Honestly, I barely remember yesterday's events as it is, so I'd like to know why I was drinking just as much as you."

This was, of course, a complete lie. Sakura could recall with startling lucidity the reason she had found herself in a bar on the far side of town, downing drink after drink after drink…

She _wished_ she couldn't remember. She would sell her left foot to forget what had happened yesterday with Sasuke, if that's what it came to. Better foot-less than knowing everywhere you went that your childhood troubles had been laid completely in front of the last person she wanted to see them.

Sakura mostly wished, however, that she could be a better liar.

"Do not make me play this game, Sakura. Everyone knows what happened yesterday with Sasuke, and Naruto has been moping around all day like someone shot his favorite pet. What the hell were you thinking, challenging Sasuke to a spar? Do you have some sort of death wish?" Tsunade demanded.

"Why does everyone keep thinking that? Yeah, okay, so Sasuke is just oh-so-strong and oh-so-dangerous, but I am too! I have been training for just as long as him, and no one ever recognizes that! My entire life, I have been seen as less than Naruto and Sasuke. For once, for just fucking once, I wanted to try to prove everyone wrong. Was that too much to ask? Give me some goddamn credit, Tsunade-shishou. Maybe I'd have lost to him, but I certainly wouldn't allow him to kill me."

It felt really good to get that out of her system. She'd expelled a lot of pent up frustrations in the past day, and it was giving her a nice tingling feeling in her brain. Or maybe that was the alcohol wearing off?

Tsunade looked a little taken aback. She blinked a few times, and sat higher in her chair.

"Well, Sakura, I hadn't realized you…felt that way. I'm sorry for being too critical on you, but I don't want to see you hurt if it can be prevented. Do you understand that? The second I heard Sasuke was back I wanted to warn you, but then I'd heard about how you broke up his fight with Naruto and I thought maybe you would be okay. And then I hear about yesterday's events, and I'm worried again. He was always your weak spot, Sakura, and I don't want you getting hurt by someone like Sasuke."

Sakura was shocked. Tsunade was worried about her? That was so touching! Sometimes she couldn't tell if Tsunade cared about anything besides her booze and gambling, and now she knew for sure!

"Uh, sorry for kind of exploding like that. I've just kind of been letting a lot of feelings I've been holding in for awhile out in the past few days, and I'm having a hard time stopping. So does, you know, _everyone_ know about what happened with Sasuke yesterday?"

Please let her say no. _Please_ let her say no.

"Yes, unfortunately. Or that's how it will be soon, anyway. I just want to say, Sakura, that you should never feel inferior to Naruto or Sasuke. You each have different areas of expertise, and where you lack in strength and fighting ability, they lack everywhere else. They have all their strengths piled in one place, while you are not only a strong kunoichi, but a strong medic. Most of all, though, you're a strong woman. You make me proud to know that I made you this way!"

Sakura sat, transfixed, as Tsunade's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, when you came to me you were just a lost little girl, and now you're grown and so capable! It warms me to know that it's all because of me that you ended up like this!"

Was she serious? Tsunade could not be serious. Sakura sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Tsunade-shishou, have you already been drinking today?"

Tsunade hiccupped and smiled at her tearfully. "Why yes, Sakura, yes I have."

Shizune took this chance to slip in. She bent over and whispered in Sakura's ear. "Today is one of her happy days, you're very lucky. If she'd been angry she might've fired you!"

Didn't Sakura know it. She couldn't count anymore how many times Tsunade had threatened to fire her when she was drunk and raving, although usually Sakura hadn't done anything wrong to deserve such a punishment.

"Also, I'm very sorry to hear about the situation with Sasuke. Everyone had been rooting for him to be changed in some positive way…"

Sakura looked at her, surprised. She'd always thought she and Naruto were the only ones who thought about Sasuke coming back! That was interesting.

"Uh, Tsunade-shishou, I think I'm going to come back later. I have rounds to finish."

She pulled herself out of the chair and started backing towards the door, but not before Tsunade interrupted her escape.

"Sakura, just go home. If you're half as hungover as I'll be later, you need it."

Then Tsunade promptly fell asleep.

"I worry about her sometimes." Shizune muttered as she took the bottle at the foot of Tsunade's desk and walked out.

Sakura was overjoyed and would've cheered if she wouldn't have doubled over in pain. It hurt her to think about making some kind of noise right now. She honestly couldn't believe Tsunade was drunk enough to give her the rest of the day off, but who was she to complain?

All she wanted was a nap. A nice, soothing nap. With the blinds drawn and complete silence.

It figured that she would have people waiting _in her apartment_.

"Get out, both of you. I am going to sleep. I have been working all day, and Tsunade was drunk enough to let me out early, and I am going to take advantage of this even if it requires me killing you two to get there."

Kakashi looked at her with one eye and shrugged. Then he disappeared with a _poof_ and Sakura was left with Ino.

"Pig, get the fuck out. I am not in the mood for another discussion, since the product of our last one didn't have such amazing results." She started her mission of shutting every set of blinds in her apartment while attempting to drown Ino's voice out.

"Look, Sakura, there is really no need to get so nasty with me. I just figured, you know, that you might want someone to talk to about this whole Sasuke thing. And yeah, I know our last conversation about him didn't end too well, but who knows? Maybe this time something good will happen!"

Sakura would've believed her if she hadn't called her Sakura.

"Why are we even friends? You just want me to spill everything to you so you can spread it around town because this is the first big news that's hit Konoha since Hinata stuck up for herself in an argument with Kiba."

"Damn you, Forehead! You know why were friends, and that's because you _looooooove_ me! You can't deny it, I know it's true. And, yeah, I want to spread some juicy gossip around town. Is that so awful of me?"

"Yes, because it isn't any of your goddamn business to spread it around! Could you just back off for a day? I'm not going to be telling you anything now, and I swear I will kick your ass out if I have to. Come talk to me tomorrow and maybe I'll have something to say then."

Slipping off her shoes, Sakura pulled the covers back on her bed and laid herself underneath them.

_Aaahh, glorious!_

The only thing that would make this situation more wonderful would be if Ino left.

"Forehead, don't be selfish! You know you want to talk to someone, so why not me? I AM your best friend!"

"Ino, come here. I am going to whisper something _veryvery_ important to you, and I want to make sure you hear it."

Ino at least had the brains to look uneasy before she inched forward and placed her face by Sakura's.

_WHAM!_

"FOREHEAD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! IF YOU BROKE MY NOSE YOU ARE A DEAD WOMAN! YOU OWE ME FOR THIS!"

Punching Ino was one of the most satisfying things she'd done in her entire life, and it certainly trumped every moment of her accidental confessions over the past two days. Plus nothing could beat the way Ino desperately clutched her face and cried while sprinting out of her apartment. Sure, she slammed the door on her way out but, as Sakura drifted to sleep, the nap would make it _so_ worth it!


End file.
